I'm gunna get me a gun!
A new mood is sweeping the world and it's about time I "got with the programme", as our trans-Atlantic cousins would say.
The Israelis don't like people shipping food and humanitarian aid into blockaded Gaza, so what do they do? They go and shoot dead nine people they caught doing it.
Meanwhile, in Cumbria, a taxi driver who has one or two issues with his family, the taxman, his solicitor and the good people of that beautiful county. What does HE do? He wipes out a dozen of them and injures another dozen on a gun rampage which ends with him blowing his own head off.
The Israelis succeeded in stopping that shipment. Derek Bird ended his domestic, tax and other problems.
Is this the way forward? Well, we're told we've got "a new type of Government", now that we're a Con-Dem nation. Blair told us before that it was "New Labour, new Britain, new economy, new way, third way, fourth way", anyway. Were they secretly trying to tell us something?
You see I've been doing things the old fashioned way. I went to the ballot box on May 6 and, for the first time in my miserable life, I voted Lib Dem. The theory was they were the nearest thing to a left of centre party we had and they stood a chance of confining the hated Tories to the bin of life for good while ensuring that a check was put on the rabid right wing of New Labour. What happens? My orange vote gets the fucking Tories in! How did that work?
At work, I have amassed 102 hours owed since the beginning of the year. Not being paid overtime, I yesterday said I was going to take a day off next week by way of clawing back some of the unpaid, professional time I had given my employer. "Noooo! You can't do that!" "Why, perchance?" "Can you prove you're owed this time?" "Yes, I have been logging my hours daily. On top of which, you've fucking seen me here 'til God knows what time at night and have received copy from me at 2am on more occasions than I care to remember." "Who'd you log it with?" "In my diary." "That's not the official way to do it." "What is the 'official way to do it'." "We don't have one."
On Wednesday, the phone goes at Lawrence Towers at 6.30am. "There's a big fire on. Go straight there now, then come on to the office." I duly do as instructed and then yesterday I claim the mileage for the job. "Noooo! You can't do that." "Why, perchance?" "You have to use a pool car to go out on jobs." "But you told me to go straight to the job from home." "You should have come to the office first, picked up a pool car and then gone on to the fire." "You called me at 6.30am. The garage at work doesn't open until 8am." "I can't help that."
Now, either I'm getting a bit confused here, or someone "up there" is taking the piss! There again, maybe this is what "New Labour, new Britain, new Government, new way, new hat, new pants, new newts" is all about?
If you have a problem, don't be reasonable about it and discuss the matter. Don't be flexible and offer help wherever you can. No, just kill the people you're having the problem with.
"I have a problem with hours." "Tough titty fishface, you're lucky to have a.....BANG!!"
"I have used my own car to drum up money for the company." "More fool you, you stupid.....BANG!!"
"Excuse me, I was wondering if you might curtail your chat and just serve me?" "Yerwhat! Anyway, I told Madge straight I did." "You never! What did she......BANG!! CHERCHUNK. BANG!!"
There is a flaw in this somewhere. There must be...........I'm just having difficulty finding it at the moment. Oh, BANG!!
